I want a great big greasy burger. With bacon, and tomatoes, and MUSHROOMS. That's what my life is about at this very moment. I'm craving this like a bitch. But fo' real doe. Word. Well truth is, I've been craving everything I've been trying so hard to cut down on. This whole loosing weight thing ain't the easiest, but by golly I'm gonna fucking make it. I've already lost a little, I just gotta keep going.I'm tired of feeling the way I do. Plus, when I'm in shape, I can more easily escape any threat in the potentially oncoming zombie apocalypse.
Anyways, getting up early to check on a potential job. God willing, I get it. If not, I'll just break down in the middle of the store and start groveling. I'll say I have eighteen infants to feed and The man ain't makin' it any easier. I mean shit. Come on. I'd buy it. From myself. *sigh* Also, I've been looking for a job for about 4 months now, I'd really like it not to be 5. Life has gotten a little bit harder for us. My mom got into a car accident (She's alright thank God.), Money's gotten tighter ( I feel like it's a little bit more my fault, because I shouldn't be home, I should be at school, you know?) and my dad is the only one with a car. Most people would tell me to at least be thankful with the one car. I should. But my father having the car is about the same as not having one. He's big into the whole control thing. If something doesn't go his way he won't care if it's important to you, he'll tell you to go fuck yourself. He has to drive my mom to work which means they'll be fighting a whole helluva lot more, leading to me having to pick up the pieces.
He'll expect to be able to say the most disgusting and unkind things and for us not to fight back.Of course, because he's the bloody Czar! He sits high and mighty on a fucking throne! I know for a fact he's going to use this as a "power" of some sort and hold it against us. As long as it doesn't get violent again, I can get through it. I know, I shouldn't complain. I'm alive and healthy, but sometimes I just get real fucking tired of him. If I could just get a job, I'd be able to help out a lot more. Save up some money to help with the car situation and maybe even one day (if I'm a real good girl, I know it sounds stupid, but sometimes I feel like I'm being punished.) get the fuck out of here and find a small place of my own. I'd be more anxious, but I'd get over it. I'd be a little more free. Sometimes it feels like I'm running out of air, like there's this little voice telling me to give up.
Also, I'm still auditioning for American Idol, so we'll see how it all goes. Goodness Gracious. Things are so damn jumbly right about now haha.
One big break, man, that's all I need.
Well regardless of whether I get that break, I'll be here busting my ass to get better.
So that's my life right about now in a nutshell. Well, I better get going. Things to do, places to see, people to love and money to make! Good night to anybody who's reading and thank you for putting up with this!
